| [ loveNfriendship ] in KIDS 글 쓴 이(By): 구르미 (구르미) 날 짜 (Date): 2005년 1월 23일 일요일 오전 06시 32분 33초 제 목(Title): Re: The Language of Letting Go Jan 4. Separating from Family Issues We can draw a healthy boundary between ourselves and our nuclear family. Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction. Some of us may have family members who have codependency issues. They may be addicted to misery, pain, suffering, martyrdom, and victimization. We may have family members who have abuse issues or family of origin issues. We may have family members who are addicted to work, eating, or sex. Our family may be enmeshed, or we may have a family in which the memebers have littel contact. We may be like our family. We may love our family. But we are separate human beings with individual rights and issues. One of these rights is to begin recovering, whether or not others in the family choose to do the same. We do not have to feel guilty about finding happiness and a life that works. Often when we begin taking care of ourselves, family members attempts to pull us back into the old system and roles. We do not have to go. Their attempts to pull us back are their issues. Taking care of ourselves and becoming healthy and happy does not mean we do not love them. It means we're addressing our issues. We do nto have to judge them because they have issues; not do we have to allow them to do anything they would like to us just because they are family. We are free now, free to take care of ourselves with family members. Our freedom starts when we stop denying their issues, and politely, but assertively, hand their stuff back to them - where it belongs - and deal with our own issues. --- Today, I will separate myself from family members. I have a right to my own issues and growth; my family members have a right to their issues and a right to choose where and when they will deal with these issues. I can learn to detach in love from my family members and their issues. I am willing to work through all necessary feelings in order to accomplish this. --- |