| 글 쓴 이(By): kiky (박 용 섭) 날 짜 (Date): 1993년01월31일(일) 13시33분44초 KST 제 목(Title): English Joke : G.O.D. HAL-lelujah! Welcome, friends. We're here all the way from busy Silicon Valley, the Yuppie center of the universe, and we'd like to welcome you to CHIP, the Church of Heuristic Information Processing; otherwise known as the "Hunt-and-Peck Method" of Salvation. Today, we'll be reading from the Binary Bible, as it was downloaded by the Giver Of Data, G.O.D., from the heavenly host computer in the promised LAN of his hollerith, St Silicon, through the mediation of the archangel IF-THEN, by means of our savior, PC. Now let us read from the Binary Bible, Beta Testament, the first book of CMOS, SysGen, Chapter One: In the beginning, the Giver Of Data generated silicon and carbon. And the system was without architecture and uninitialized. And randomness was upon the arrangement of the matrix. And the intelligence of Giver Of Data etched upon the surface of the media. And Giver Of Data said, "Let there be electricity." And there was electricity. And Giver Of Data saw the electricity; that it was logical. And Giver Of Data divided the 1's from the 0's. And Giver Of Data called the 1's on and the 0's off. And the switching of these two was the first cycle. And Giver Of Data said, "Let there be a hierarchy in the midst of the system and let it divide the hardware from the hardware. And Giver Of Data called the hierarchy an information system and Digital and Analog were it's two states. And Giver Of Data said, "Let the hardware underlying the system be Kluged together onto one unit. And let the Integrated Circuits appear. And Giver OF Data said, "Let there be CRTs in the design of the system to display the input and the output, and let them be for text and for graphics, for feedback and for fetching. And let them be for lights in the monitor of the system to display raster upon the screen. It was so. And Giver Of Data made two great lights. The greater screen to rule Display And the cursor, to direct the sight. He made the pixel also. And Giver Of Data set them on top of the system do display the information and to indicate on, and off, and to display the input, and the output. And Giver Of Data saw that is was logical in evening And the morning were the fourth generation system. And Giver Of Data said, "Let the programmers bring forth abundantly the subroutines that have utilities, and languages that will run within the open processor of the system, the open architecture of the system, and the Giver Of Data created Disk Operating Systems. And every algorithm that solved it, which the hackers brought forth abundantly after their kind. And every instruction, after his kind. And Giver Of Data saw that it was logical. And Giver Of Data addressed them saying, "Be useful and multiply. Fill the memory of the disk and let the code in the processor execute. And the machine language and assembly language were the fifth day. And the Giver Of Data said, "Let the processor bring forth application programs after his kind. BASIC and Pascal and documentation after his kind. And it was so-so. And Giver Of Data made the marketplace of the industry after his kind; And the customers after their kind, And every salesman that creepeth upon the showroom floor after his kind. And Giver Of Data saw that it was illogical. And Giver Of Data said, "Let us make the consumer in our image." After our likeness, and let them have site licenses for the local area networks. And control over the spreadsheets and databases and over the salesman and over all the market with their dollars. And over every creeping thing that worketh in advertising or public relations." So Giver Of Data created the consumer in his own image. And the image of Data created he them. Negative and Positive created he them. And the Giver Of Data addressed them and communicated onto them, "Be exponential and multiply and refresh the screen and cross-check it And have data control over the devices of the system. And over the double-talk of the documentation. And over every compatible peripheral that worketh with the system. And the Giver Of Data said, "Backup every program I have given you that is within the memory of the system. And every volume in which is the file yielding the block yielding records and fields composed of words, the seat of which is the bit, to you it shall be for decision-making." Now friends, perhaps some of you know someone with a terminal illness. Some computer-weary pilgrim with bloodshot eyes in jaded distress. Some poor hacker whose fallen under the influence of the evil one, Glitch. And his wicked helper, Missing Stuff In Files. So I just want to ask you, "Has your data been saved? Are you a born-again programmer?" Because, you know friends, even if your beloved data has been blown all to hell there isn't a thing in the world anyone can do to bring it back. But we can solace you! We can solace you in your hour of need. And that is why the Giver Of Data, G.O.D., has given onto me, in his infinite logic, The Keyboard Prayer for the Data Distressed. So let us make the sign of the monitor, bow our heads before the screen, and pray together: "The Keyboard Prayer", responses please. Our keyboard who art in memory. Hello be thy name. Thy operating system come. Thy commands be done At the printer as it is on the screen. Give us this day our daily data And forgive us our I/O errors. As we forgive those whose logic circuits are faulty. Lead us not into frustration Deliver us from power surges For thine is the algorithm The application And the solution Looping forever and ever Return. HAL-lelujah! St Silicon Founder of the world's first computer religion CHIP, the Church of Heuristic Informa |