| From : ymin (Young-Gie Min) Date : Thu Jun 11 15:36:21 1992 Subject: IBM Error Messages * Forwarded from "Funny" * Originally by Mike Perry * Originally to All * Originally dated 24 Mar 1992, 3:19 Sector not found. A)bort, R)etry or T)ell your boss it was a virus: Insufficient disk space you idiot! Did you really expect to copy a 4 megabyte file to a floppy disk?? COMMAND.COM not loaded. System halted due to sobriety. Access denied - nah nah na nah nah! Memory parity error. Please turn your computer on and off at least 12 times. Runtime error 1071 - Company tech support out to lunch. Runtime error 1072 - Sorry, we had lousy beta testers. Runtime error 1073 - Your machine didn't exist when this program was written. Runtime error 1074 - You must purchase another software program like this, you're getting sleepy, very sleepy, buy more of these programs... Runtime error 1075 - This is what you get for buying a piece-of-crap clone at the local appliance store. Runtime error 1076 - You might as well stop now; you'll never figure this program out. Runtime error 1077 - It might help if you turned the printer on, Doofus! Runtime error 1078 - Next time don't pay the programmer up front. Runtime error 1079 - Warranty just expired. Error occurred during virus infection; A)bort reconstruction, R)e-arrange FAT entries or I)gnore anti-virus software: Bad command or filename - Please don't play with the computers on the display floor. 000 files copied; but feel free to pass those disks on to your associate. Insufficient memory - please remove the BUFFERS=237463 statement from your CONFIG.SYS file. Invalid media type or Track 0 bad, but look on the bright side, you could use another coaster. File not found. Remember, you just erased it. >>>>>> Error messages we'd REALLY like to see: <<<<<< Wall jack plugged into phone jack on modem. Your computer setup requires one more power cord than you actually have. Warning! You are about to forget how the dip switches were originally set. Warning! This is yet another program which will cause Windows to crash on your system. Warning! This program has a voice-activated destruct sequence set to trigger after hearing the phrase "Wow! This program is great!" Warning! After getting your computer back from the service center, 14 screws are now missing in various areas of the system unit and case. Entertainment Error 004 - This program will crash right before you win. Entertainment Error 005 - Hang it up - You'll never find the key you need to open the door to continue playing the adventure. Warning! The size of the keyboard buffer is inversely proportional to your typing speed. Shareware Error 376 - All desirable features in this program are disabled. Shareware Error 394 - You will have time to conquer a small world before the title page times-out. Shareware Error 398 - The author moved to another state; you'll never find him. Shareware Error 399 - No help or documentation available whatsoever. Shareware Error 404 - Don't get attached to this program - there will never be another update. Warning! The floppy disk you are writing to will not work in any other drive. Warning! You are about to download a program which has no value, much less functionality at all. Warning! Please terminate GIF program; your wife is coming. Warning! It will cost you approximately $426.70 to update your software to run with the next version of this operating system. Warning! The tech support people are even dumber than you! Warning! Installing this software will completely erase any previous statements in your AUTOEXEC.BAT and CONFIG.SYS. |