| [ loveNfriendship ] in KIDS 글 쓴 이(By): 구르미 (구르미) 날 짜 (Date): 2005년 1월 23일 일요일 오후 03시 20분 16초 제 목(Title): Re: The Language of Letting Go Jan 11 Letting go of guilt "There's a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationship use," said one recovering woman. "The other person does something inapproate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing." It's imperative that we stop feeling so guilty. Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty. Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in others people's best interests. Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves. We don't have to let others count on the fact that we'll always feel guilty. We don't have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt -- earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self-care. Push. Push harder. We are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on approriate treatment. We can separate another's issues from our issues, and let the person experience the consequences of his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated. --- Today, I will let go of my big and little guilty feelings. Light and love are on my side. --- |