| From : seody (D. Y. Seo) Date : Sat Oct 3 03:53:22 1992 Subject: Jokes (English) Three women are having lunch, discussing their husbands. The first says, "My husband is cheating on me, I just know it. I found a pair of stockings in his jacket pocket, and they weren't mine!" The second says, "My husband is cheating on me, I just know it. I found a condom in his wallet, so I poked it full of holes with my sewing needle!" The third woman fainted. ----- Supposedly a true story... Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder. There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer says as he looks at his watch. "Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this court room," he says and he looks toward the courtroom door. The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing happens. Finally the lawyer says: "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retires to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returns and a representative pronounces a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquires the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door." Answers the representative: "Oh, we did look. But your client didn't." ----- An American is visiting in France for several weeks. As his stay nears an end, he is sitting around with three of his new-found French friends, just generally shooting the breeze. The subject turns to language, and the American says, "Guys, I do have one question left. I keep hearing this expression, "sang froid". What does it mean? I know that it literally means, "cold blood", but what does it *mean*?" The first Frenchman replies, "Ah, zat is easy. Say that a man walks into his bedroom, only to find his wife in bed with his best friend. If he can turn around and walk out without them knowing he was evair zere, *zat* is sang froid!" The second Frenchman interjected, "You have eet all wrong! If, in zis circumstance, zee gentleman can calmly stand zere, and say "Please don't mind me; continue", zen *zat* is sang froid!" "Non, non, non!" burst out the third. "If ze gentleman bursts een on his wife and his best friend, stands there saying, "Please continue", and his friend *can* continue, *zat* is sang froid!". ----- An American, a Frenchman, and a Polack are lined up in front of a firing squad awaiting execution. The American is first. He points behind the firing squad and shouts, "FLOOD!". When the soldiers turns to look, he escapes. The Frenchman quickly devises his plan and shouts, "TORNADO!!". He escapes as well. The Polack, thinking he has caught on yells, "FIRE!!" |